Struggling to stop
Does Your Fiance know that You "drink until You pass out pretty much every night"?? If He's walking into this with His eyes wide open, if He knows that You drink like this, well that's one thing - BUT if He doesn't know, in my opinion, You have no right to impose this on Him!! You should give Him the choice of whether He wants to be married to an alcoholic.
That being said.
You describe YourSelf as 'functioning' but, indeed, You ARE an alcoholic. You are ADDICTED to alcohol. Alcohol IS interfering with Your life as evidenced by: You "drink until You pass out", You have "gained a lot of weight", You "frequently embarrass YourSelf", You "spend far too much money on booze", You will often "even have a drink in the morning", You've tried to "quit on Your own, but "clearly You can't"
These are Your words, not mine - how much more information do You need. It's clear-cut that You need help - therapy?, a support group?, AA.?
There is no shame in being alcoholic. Alcohol is an addictive substance and anyone who drinks often enough or enough quantity will eventually become addicted. Alcohol is a drug, like cigarettes, meth, heroin. in my opinion, "shame" would lie in KNOWING that You are an alcoholic and doing NOTHING about it.
and, You don't have to "find God" - all You have to do is make the CHOICE (it really is a choice) to remain sober and seek whatever 'means' You feel will give You the desire, the support and the strength to make it happen. Bottom line: You have to CHOOSE to recover.
Regards and GoodLuck
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