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My father abused my sister when we were young and now she blames me.

I am now 70 and my sister is 68. When I was 10-12 years old (and my sister 8-10) my father shared a bed with her (parents divorced, he had custody). I heard him raping her several times. In our 20's my sister and I talked about it and a relative told me that they knew about it. My father died years ago, but my sister and I remained close. However a few years ago she told me that the abuse never happened and that I was making it all up. She became hysterical and broke off all ties with me. I miss my sister and understand that she does not want to think about the past. I can't think of a

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Rachel's Story of Healing | Stop It Now


Rachel's Story of Healing. ... a photograph of my father holding my young ... around the sexual abuse, I received a photograph from my sister of my dad holding ...
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Abusive Older Sister - Abuse - MentalHelp


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IT HAPPENED TO ME: My Abusive Sister Screwed Me Up As Badly ...


IT HAPPENED TO ME: My Abusive Sister Screwed Me Up As Badly As Any Crazy Parent Ever Could. I was abused by my older sister and want ... we were fighting, my ...
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'The day I found out my husband had abused our daughter ...


... we were an ordinary family – mum, dad, ... She began making hurtful personal attacks on her father and me, something she had never done. ... as she blames ...
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My father abused my sister when we were young and now she blames me.

I think in your shoes I would discuss it with a therapist.  A professional would be able to answer your questions about whether there is a tendency to blame other family members who were around when bad things happened.  You might never regain your closeness with your sister -- ask the therapist about the tendency of some families to gloss over the bad things about their parent once he dies even when he was horrible.  (I have some cousins who have glorified their alcoholic dad who made their lives a constant uproar, because he is now safely dead and they want very much to feel important and to feel like their lives weren't a mess when they were kids.  It's delusional but it might actually be something they need.)  Anyway, try to let go of the worry that your sister blames you.  She might blame you and she might not, but unless something changes in her mindset (and you can't control that) there is little enough you can do to change her mind.  Talk also to the therapist about that.
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verbally abusive home

for one , you can only help those who want the help... I' ve learnt that no matter the past its all up to the person who is having this issue. You can let him know that you love him and your there for him but dont give him the tucked in bed felling when you do this youve lost. Your not helping him.. Hes 20 you say, I have 2 children out of five that have dropped out of school had kids been in trouble with the law you name it and Ive been there holding the bag 'so to say' . Its time to let go hes of age now and there are no excuses or blames you set the path you did you what as a mother you were suppose to do for your child well hes no longer a child and you need to not let him grow but give him no choise but to grow up. It killed me to let go but when I  came to see I was only hendering and I to was falling due to 'HOLDING THE BAG' I let them go... At first they had it hard very hard but now their fine and proud I put the law down Momma's law . Set the bags by the door if need call the law but you have to breath and have a life you've done you part now let him have his>>> My prayers are with you! Donna
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Addicted? Help??

I don't think you are addicted to abuse.  I think you grew up with abusive models of behavior and have not learned alternative models of behavior.  It takes time, and don't be so hard on yourself.  The abusive people you have encountered do not take the time to be self-reflective.
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Abused 6yr old obsessed with sex.

Please don't blame him for this behavior!!  Unfortunately, this is typical behavior of kids who were sexually abused.  It isn't his fault.  Discipline may deepen the victimization. At this point, your only recourse is to work with his therapist.  Make sure the therapist is aware of these behaviors.  If outpatient therapy is not intensive enough, the therapist needs to make the call as to whether a treatment facility would be the most appropriate for him at this time until he has better control over his behavior.   If you don't feel that this therapist is effective, seek out another therapist who specializes in child sexual abuse.  Please keep in mind that developing rapport and a therapeutic relationship is easier said than done with a very young child, especially when discussing very private and personal matters such as sexual abuse.  This can take some time.  But again, if he presents himself as a danger to himself or others, a different treatment venue may be needed.
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My daughter hits, kicks, mocks, spits, and his angry all of the time!!

Have you tried taking her to a session - the therapists are pretty skilled with difficult kids and you may be surprised. My understanding is they do things like colour pictures and stuff like that to earn the trust, and then ask the questions they need to. So she may even find it fun, and like the one on one adult attention. I had a nephew that was a real problem and he liked his therapist. He ended up have a few weeks stay at a kids psyc ward which was difficult but helped stabilize him on some medications. He would have violent outbursts, to the point they were worried about the safety of the kids in the class room. Not saying your kid needs medications - just saying that the therapy process can be a positive one for kids.
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Just a note for my friends of addiction.... and grief....

Congratulations !U have chosen like many of us here......one hour atta time....one day atta time....to commit urself to total abstinence.......easy?NO!well worth it?YES!i have enjoyed and learned from reading ur posts here over the past year...u r a very VALUED forum member!i look 4ward to seeing more from u here!
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Is it possible to be Misdiagnosed with bipolar?

It certainly is possible to be misdiagnosed. If you feel well and don't take any meds, you're probably safe. Having said that, it would mean you have ovecome your past issues and don't have PTSD or something else going on from suffering such horrible abuse. Just to play it safe, I would meet with a psychiatrist and explain your situation and see what he/she thinks. You don't want to be off medication and start having suicidal thoughts that you could act on. I think the typical onset age of Bipolar is in the mid twenties. But there are a lot of other things that could have been going on so I wouldn't shut the door without speaking to a doctor first-for your own safety and peace of mind. Best of Luck Erin
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How do you cope with alcoholic parent?

Hi and welcome to the forum. Are you still a minor?  There is nothing that you can do to get your mom to quit drinking.  This has to be something she decides to do and i hope and pray she does.  As for you, there is Alanon, that is free and you will find those people very helpful.  They have been or are in the same type of situation you are in now.  All you can do is take care of you.  You have alot of responsibility on your shoulders right now and it isnt fair for you.  Family members get the brunt of our addiction.  This is a slow process as there arent any quick fixes to this sort of thing.  The issues your mom and dad have in their marriage shouldnt be your troubles but they are right now.  You deserve to be happy and live with some peace in your life~~sara
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Im scared what my son will do to me!

First of all, no son hits and is abusive to his mother. That alone is a sign that there is a problem that you cannot take care of. He needs to get help or get out of your life. Does he say what he is paying you back for? You do not need to put up with his abuse.
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