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Abuse or Relationship Issues?

Abuse or Relationship Issues? My boyfriend and I have been togeather for a year. Like any relationship we have had minor issues & disagreements but have always worked them out and in the process our relationship has gotten stronger and is wonderful, until most recently. A months ago I found out I was pregnant, I was taking birth control and it was 100% not planned or desired to have a baby at this point in my life. We decided to keep the baby and make it a positive and happy thing, we are both excited. My boyfriend has been supportive about the baby and we are in the process of buying a ho

Research, Knowledge and Information :

Substance Abuse and Intimate Relationships - AAMFT

If the issues in the relationship are not treated, ... Use the AAMFT Consumer Update "Substance Abuse and Intimate Relationships" pamphlets to market your practice.
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What Causes Relationship Abuse? - The Center

Research has shown that relationship abuse is NOT caused by the following factors: Provocation; Behavior of victim or problems in the relationship
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Relationships and Addiction | Dual Diagnosis

One of the key problems of substance abuse in a relationship is that even if an addict loves her partner, ... Further Reading About Relationships and Addiction.
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Domestic Violence and Abuse: Recognizing the Signs of an ...

Domestic Violence and Abuse Recognizing the Signs of an Abusive Relationship and Getting Help. Español. Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the ...
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HOW CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE AFFECTS INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS. ... They discuss Finklehor’s model for the ways in which child sexual abuse causes problems.
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Abuse in Intimate Relationships: Defining the Multiple

Abuse in Intimate Relationships: Defining the Multiple Dimensions and Terms Vera E. Mouradian, PhD National Violence Against Women Prevention ...
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Relationship Problems - Children Laws |

An individual who has suffered from abuse as a child may have problems maintaining a healthy relationship. They may take part in constant fighting or arguing.
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Substance Abuse and Mental Health Issues -

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Issues Substance Abuse and Its Relationship to Mental Health Problems. When you have both a substance abuse problem and a mental ...
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Substance Abuse and Marriage - Alcohol Rehab

Substance Abuse and Marriage. ... When a person fails to meet their share of responsibilities, resentment can easily build up and lead to relationship problems.
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The Impact of Past Sexual Abuse on Current Relationships

Most abuse victims experience some degree of inner turmoil capable of affecting their relationships, especially potentially intimate relationships.
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Suggested Questions And Answer :

Abuse or Relationship Issues?

Not attainable.  He's drinking, he promised to stop and did it again to the point of being drunk again after your big baby-related party, he's doing phone stuff with other women, he has physically hurt you twice (have you ever been told that battery is a crime?), he says he will stop and doesn't, booze has a stronger hold on him than you do, and acting like an irresponsible teenager means more to him than being an adult. This is the real person you have. It is not a profile of Prince Charming. All that you have to suggest everything will be all right is your dream that he will be an active participant in being "a happy family" together with you. This is you being enamored of a fantasy, not the real person in your life who you know full well behaves towards you in ways that frankly should have gotten him thrown in jail.   Trying to create a long-term relationship or marriage only because a baby accidentally got started is not enough, I'm sorry to say. Delightful as it is when a baby comes to a mature couple who have already made a lifelong commitment and worked out how they relate to each other and are very happy with how they relate and interact, those things don't come from the baby. You don't say that before the pregnancy you two were soul mates and knew this was it and you were going to be happy together forever.  You more or less said "We got along and we got pregnant and figured what the heck, let's try it."  Babies are big stressors, and your hopefully ex-boyfriend is showing he caves big time under pressure and probably was never that serious about being monogamous with you even before the pregnancy.   Sorry, dear, but you run not walk from this guy.  You talk to a lawyer about child support and if your guy wants anything good from you he grows up.  Don't trust his tears and pleas, that is one thing alcoholics are super good at, manipulation.  It's their bread and butter.   See a counselor if you don't believe me.  Don't be an enabler to this jerk. Every drinker needs his co-dependent, get past that one fast.  Your baby is not deserving of this unreliable guy and you making excuses for him.
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My girlfriend finely told me she BPD

To add. when she gets an idea or thought about me or something I did, do or thinks I did or do. It becomes fact! No matter how I explain it or how many times I explain it. Is this common?
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Domestic abuse? or is it me and my bpd?

BPD can be very complicated. A person with BPD can convince and manipulate others very well, often automaticallly. You must know a little about BPD, because you mentioned it. There are many books and resources now than a decade or so ago. Ever heard of BPDCentral (dotcom)?
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Can we have a normal relationship?

I think that if he were in therapy that he would discuss things with you and not just leave.  It is hard to know what he will learn and discover in therapy and what the outcome will be. Doing things slowly means that he is taking this seriously and is being respectful to both of you.  Respect is an important quality in any relationship. It is hard to know how anybody's life will unfold.  I think the best thing is to keep talking to each other.  Being open and honest may be the best he can do for now. I have concerns about the time frame.  I think a few months may be a little unrealistic.  Personality, for the most part, takes time to change (usually years). I wonder if therapy may be helpful for you too to help you decide what you want to do and to talk about your experiences with your bf.
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can anyone help me???
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I think I have BPD--I have a 3 year old!!!!

Talk therapy and DBT therapy are helpful on BPD in addition to medication. There are parenting classes as well. All of this would be helpful.
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cyclothymia and emotional abuse

This doesn't sound like bipolar 1 or 2 or cyclothymia, just bad behavior.
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it would explain my "ex"

Hi I have been diagnosed with bpd and am pretty dysfunctional in relationships. I can offer opinions, thoughts and feelings from my own experiences and perspective. I think it is possible to maintain a friendship with someone with bpd.  This will depend a lot on the individual though along with other factors (such as where they are in their recovery, whether the individual is motivated to maintain or repair the relationship, etc etc). Is it advisable?  It depends a lot on the individuals involved and the situation. If both people are able to lead autonomous lives and aren't being used as 'crutches' then I would say the possibility of a mutual friendship/ relationship is very high. When people with bpd depend heavily on the other person/ partner it can become unhealthy for both parties. You know your situation the best and are therefore in the best position to decide whether you wish to pursue a relationship with your ex or not.   What do you feel is the right decision? One symptom of bpd is splitting (seeing things as black or white, good or bad, all or nothing). I personally would find it extremely difficult to have an ex around, especially if I still had feelings for them.  Friendship is a poor substitute for an intimate relationship. When I have issues I tend to find it easier to walk away and not have contact with the individual(s). Is this healthy?  Probably not. I think a relationship would allow your ex the opportunity to integrate split off parts. I think being there to support your ex could also provide a corrective emotional experience for him.  Too often there is inconsistency in our lives and we feel rejected and abandoned by others.  Being supportive of him could potentially be quite constructive. If you did decide to maintain a relationship with this person I think you would need to establish clear boundaries.  What does the relationship entail/ not entail. Bed-wetting, I think, is irrelevant.  I guess bed-wetting could signify psychological issues, especially those associated with trauma (which is consistent with bpd), but for the most part I don't see it's relevance here. Returning home could represent a decline in his mental health or it could be a subconscious need for him to return to a place where he feels safe.  Where he knows things (they are predictable), which provides a sense of structure and containment. If you wanted to pursue a relationship I would think that you would need to initiate the contact. All the best. J
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Hi and welcome, I know EXACTLY what you mean.  The first time I decided to stop taking pills I made it 5 days too.  I had no idea what to expect and it was tough.  It also made me VERY afraid to ever try it again.  That little 5 day trip drove my addiction even deeper as I knew I could NEVER repeat that again. forward one year later and I came to the conclusion that I was stopping no matter the consequences.  I had had ENOUGH.  So I began my journey again and by day 2, I was a real mess because my dosage was quite large by then. Thankfully I found this site and many helped me through it.  The good news is that you are involving your doctor firstly and secondly you have found us.  Your doctor will have the medical advice and we will have the practical advice because we have suffered through this. You need to take a few breaths and calm down, it IS very doable.  Get informed.  It's a scary process when you undertake this and wonder if it is killing you.  Learn EVERYTHING that will happen before it does so that you are prepared.   You aren't going to feel well for a few days but you CAN do this.  If you have any specific questions, fire away and many will help you out. Congrats on your decision to get your life back, Keep posting!!!!!! bob
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