Wow, I think I wrote this... maybe, in one of my insomnia stages.
In honesty, I lost my sister and I've been taking that super hard. It's been two years now and I'm still... well, there's no words. I'm now one year older than my sister and that's very hard for me to grasp.
I grew up keeping my feelings inside, not telling anyone how much I was hurting and because of this mask that I wore so well, everyone treated me like the pillar. I was the one everyone could come to and dump things on when stuff went wrong so when my sister passed away, guess who was expected to be the pillar? That made me angry beyond what I can express. The only escape I really have is my music.
It's hard being an introverted BPD because it causes imbalances in other parts of our lives, like people not understanding or believing how much pain we're in and then, if we Did commit suicide, it would just be a such a "shock", which is even more hurtful. I still feel so completely alone, I literally feel like I can't connect to another human being, not because I think I'm special but because I just honestly feel like, even if I did explain, no one would care enough to try to understand and that must mean no one understands but I really think that I let it build up too much and too long and so it's too much all at once for any one person To comprehend. Not to mention, it's a lot of weight to bare. Anyway, I'm just venting too really. Read More At : ...